Jay Rayner is a restaurant critic for The Guardian/Observer in the UK, who is famour for his aserbic, stinging comments. At the start of 2016 he was clearly in a bad mood and wrote:
“My dentist tells me that I grind my teeth at night. He says this is a very bad thing and needs to be remedied. Apparently the problem is tension, brought on by stress. Clearly I need less stress in my life. To make this happen I have decided to use this column to address all the things about restaurants that I truly hate; the atrocities I hope to see disappear in 2016. These things may sound minor, but together they amount to a hurricane of tooth-blunting fury. My ability to chew meat properly depends upon all of it being dealt with.”
He then listed the 12 things that wants in 2016:
- Stop taking my order without a notebook
- All restaurants must install big enough tables to accommodate their small-plate-sharing menus
- And while we’re at it, please stop sending dishes out “when they’re ready”
- Stop it with granola too
- Sort out the lighting
- What is it with taking the bread plate away at the end of the starters?
- Unsalted butter? I mean, really?
- Put salt and pepper on the table
- Stop putting the pages of wine lists inside plastic sleeves
- List bottles in price order from cheapest upwards
- If I tell you I’ll fill the wine glass myself I mean it
- Finally, don’t you ever, ever, ever again give the bill to the only person on the table who happens to possess testicles……
He finishes with, “There. I’m done. And you know what? My teeth feel better already.” (Read the full delightful rant here.)
CTMfile take: Quite simply, the best ever rant about restaurants.
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